Talk .... Communicate.... Connect

The larger message is that in order to connect to people, one should treat them for what they are and to see them as end in themselves rather than as a means to something. 

My PMRDF training at TISS, Mumbai is coming to an end. In one of the communication classes the teacher asked us to reflect upon our learnings and take aways from the whole training on communication. The message, in short, is that talking, communicating and connecting with people are three different things. If I may generalize, ignoring a few exceptions, I would say these three happen at various stages of a communication; and depending on the context and purpose.

Talking happens at a superficial level where mostly information gets exchanged either casually or for a purpose. (Talking to someone on in a bus stop for 2 minutes before the bus arrives). Communicating is at the next level. There is a definite purpose and both the parties try to convey some message to the other party. At a given point it could be either one way or two way. (Doctor and patient communicating with each other is two way; Government trying to communicate a message to the citizens through a poster is one way). Lastly connecting well with the other person/group is the deepest form wherein people go beyond content and language and establish a relationship which is more long lasting.

Having said that, when someone is trying to make a conscious effort to 'connect' with someone, there are certain dos, as follows, may not be in the order mentioned: (And especially for someone like a PMRD Fellow, working closely with people)
Listen: to not just words but to gestures, wisdom, experiences, various meanings attached, the life struggle of an individual or group etc. This listening is not just with ears but with the whole body, mind and heart.

Larger Image: It is important to understand the social background of the people in any location, their culture, customs, traditions, norms, political and economic scenario etc before one could make a meaningful conversation.

Trust building: A conversation with a person is just not an information gathering exercise. One needs to dig deep, to get more insights by asking probing questions, by showing utmost interest. The genuineness shown in trying to understand the person first before one could be understood, is the first step to building trust. If I go back people would want to talk to me, rather than seeing me as someone trying to interfere in their lives.

Reflect: on one's own communication and to assess the overall conversation. This will help in seeing through oneself and identify any failures in establishing trust and reinforce successful methods in building it. This will help us correct ourselves, tune ourselves better to the situation and make the most out of conversation.

Repeat: While making a deliberate attempt, anything might go wrong at any time, thus one should be willing to repeat the whole process of trying to connect with people, all over again. This patience comes naturally if one respects people just for being fellow men and women, rather than as some means to a larger end.

Thus the larger message is that in order to connect to people, one should treat them for what they are and to see them as end in themselves rather than as a means to something.

P.S: Though TISS helped me refine my thoughts, this blog post is my personal opinion.